Ah, the night shift...

Let me just begin by saying I fear for anyone's future who decides to spend their life working graveyard shifts. You will, without a doubt, become a zombie.

I'm currently working a second full time job auditing at a hotel in downtown Charleston, SC. I didn't purposely try to maim my social life and ability to sleep. I just found myself in an impossible situation and the bills have got to be paid. However painful it is to work so much right now there are endless amounts of hilarity that continue to come along.

For example, as soon as I walked in the door at 11 PM the phone rang and my co-worker, Vlademir, answered. The guest on the other end yelled out in his drunken stupor, "HEY MAN, I NEED A BITCH AND A BEER!" When Vlademir let the guest know that he couldn't help him with the issue, the belligerent jackass proceeded to tell Vlademir that he was some kind of prestigious guest of the hotel. The phone call didn't end well but this is when I imagine Seth Meyers from SNL come in with his segment "REALLY?!"

REALLY?! self-entitled some-level-of-membership-holder? I'm fairly certain you can take your 50 to 60 year old self out the door where tons of drunk bitches with beer can be found. This is Charleston, SC which is absolutely nothing like Vegas. And let me just tell you... when you call a desk at a hotel, all of your information is pulled up. We all know exactly how to judge you and if you're lying. Enjoy the rest of your night Mr. High Roller because your credit card has just been declined...

Saturday was fairly tame this weekend. Only 1 call to the cops, 3 bachelorette parties, and 2 screaming matches in the lobby. This is nothing compared to the naked hooker at the desk 2 weeks ago, the girl who threw the bell at me, or the man who spit dip out while screaming that I don't even know what college is... I can't make this stuff up. I know a lot about college. I'll be paying for it for then next 10 years.

This is just a tiny bit of what I want to share right now and just the hope that if someone reads this they'll remember to treat human beings just as that... human beings. I have no doubt that I'll have something crazy to add tomorrow...or today... or tomorrow, depends on when I sleep. I'll continue this for a while. I have to document something. I'm pretty sure my friends think I make all this craziness up.